Teach Me to Live Again: I Can't Remember How
by Taineyah
Summary: When one of the Brotherhood seriously injures an X-man, can the other X-men learn to survive after their teammate's death? Or will the team be destroyed by revenge and anger? Read and find out!
1. Prologue: The Incident

            Hi again!  This is a story that really won't take off until the second chapter, when it will go to various characters' perspectives.  I'm really bad at doing fight scenes, especially with large groups, so bear with me.

My Disclaimer can't come to the computer right now, as he's locked himself in his trailer and is trying to sue me for Disclaimer abuse.  Go figure!

*Bamf*

Hey!  Kurt, what are you doing here?

Kurt:  Vell, Marvel heard about your lack of Disclaimer and the whole lawsuit thing and didn't vant to have to sue you for not having a Disclaimer, so they sent me to come visit for avhile!

Taineyah: *Glomp*  I love you Marvel!!!

*The Marvel Gods smile*

Kurt:  *sounding rather strangled*  By the vay, Taineyah doesn't own my friends and enemies or me!  

Prologue:  The Incident

            The Professor looked at his assembled team of students.  "The Brotherhood and the Acolytes have banded together under Magneto's leadership."

            "That's great!  They've probably got some awful plan to destroy humans that'll never work and they're goin' ta fail miserably.  Ah mean, since when do the Acolytes and the Brotherhood actually get along?"  Rogue didn't seem too concerned with the current situation.

            "Apparently they're getting along now.  They're planning to destroy the Abernathie Hotel during the anti-mutant conference today.  There are going to be 3000 people there.  You have to stop them."

            The X-men looked at one another in astonishment.  Surely even Magneto wouldn't stoop that low.  It was an out and out massacre.

            The Professor looked around the room apologetically.  "I'm sorry I didn't have more warning for you.  As it is, I barely learned what was going on."

            Scott spoke up.  "How much time do we have?"

            "Only a couple of hours, if that.  You have to leave now."

            Before the last word was out of Xavier's mouth, the X-men were on their feet.  The regulars were present, along with Bobby and Jubilee.  They started out the door to go to the X-jet.  As they moved, Xavier had a horrible sense of foreboding.

            "Everyone!" he called and, as one, they turned to look at him.  "Be careful."

            Everyone made an affirmative sound and were gone before he knew it.  He shook his head, but couldn't shake off the bad feeling that was gnawing away at his insides.  He gathered his composure and headed down to Cerebro.

***

            Kurt flew the X-jet as quickly as he could.  There was no way that they could afford to be late, even by a second.  A second could be the difference between 3000 people living or dying.  The hotel had two sections, one taller than the other by five stories.  Kurt set the plane down on the higher of the two, knowing that it was easier and faster to get down from the roof than go up to it.  All of the X-men were sure that Magneto would send his people to the rooftops.

            The X-men had only been waiting for a couple of minutes when the door from the interior of the hotel to the roof opened, revealing the Brotherhood.  An instant later, five transport orbs set down, surrounding the jet.  They opened, and Magneto stepped out of one.

            "Ah...so Charles found out about our little party.  How lovely."  There was no sarcasm to his voice, he honestly seemed pleased. 

            "He found out about your plan, and we don't like it," Logan said, approaching the Master of Magnetism.

            Magneto didn't even bother using his magnetism on Logan's adamantium skeleton.  He just waved Sabretooth forward and motioned that the ugly cat-man could do as he pleased with his enemy.

            Sabretooth, the predictable creature that he was, attacked Logan and the fight was on.  Storm and Mystique paired off to battle, while Rogue approached Blob.  Jean took Toad.  Kitty attacked Colossus.  Evan and Quicksilver tried to kill each other, Quicksilver doing more running away than actual fighting, while Jubilee tried to at least distract Wanda until someone else was freed up.  Bobby froze Lance solid, then moved on to Pyro an instant later.  Scott and Gambit found themselves facing each other, while Magneto watched the two groups battle, laughing softly to himself.  He was sure to win.  The X-men were outnumbered and outmatched.  He was positive of it.

            For a few minutes, it looked like Magneto was right.  Bobby was having no effect on Pyro, aside from being an annoying distraction.  In fact, Pyro's fire was injuring Bobby on a regular basis and the young X-man was quite thoroughly singed.   Logan and Sabretooth, as everyone knew, could fight for hours without either one winning.  Quicksilver was more than a few steps ahead of Evan.  Each X-man, aside from Jean, was having definite problems.

            Jean, however, had Toad up in the air and was slamming him against anything solid that was standing upright on the roof, including Blob.  After a minute or two of this treatment, Toad lay still in her telekinetic grasp, and she dropped his unconscious form to the ground.

            She moved on to help the others, taking Wanda from Jubilee's hands and focusing her attentions on disabling the Scarlet Witch.  Jubilee sank down to the rooftop, injured by Wanda's hex-bolts and absolutely exhausted.  Even with Lance and Toad out of the fight, it still appeared that Magneto's team would win.  The X-men just couldn't seem to get a firm grip on things.  It didn't take a genius to figure out why, either.  Magneto's team members were actually working as a team, trying to help one another when the opportunity presented itself.

            The battle raged on for fifteen minutes, then twenty and, although Magneto's team had Wanda and Blob out of it, in addition to the other two, the X-men just couldn't seem to get the upper hand.  They put all of their strength into the battle.  Even Evan, the most easily distracted of the team, managed to focus every bit of his mind on the task at hand.  Suddenly, Scott hit Gambit, knocking the Cajun unconscious.  

            Scott took out Pyro, then Mystique.  He took out Sabretooth, freeing up Logan to give everyone else a hand.  Finally, the X-men were winning.  One after another, Magneto's team dropped.  At last, only Magneto and Quicksilver were left.  Magneto climbed into a transport orb and caused the other orbs to pick up his Acolytes.  Then, the X-men focused on getting Quicksilver stopped.  

            Scott, knowing that he couldn't hope to hit the speedy mutant without running a high risk of injuring his own team, attempted to herd Pietro towards Wolverine, who had his claws fully extended.  The X-men were all exhausted and Jubilee and Bobby were both injured, which made them slightly docile.  It also explained what happened next.

            Blob stood up, jumped up really, which was surprising since Rogue had put him out.  He yelled, which distracted everyone for a split second.  Pietro took advantage of the split second and ran to Scott at full speed.  With strength borne of sheer momentum, Pietro pushed Scott towards the edge of the roof.  Before anyone was even fully aware that Scott had moved, the X-man was toppling through the air towards the lower of the two roofs.

            "Scott!" Jean screamed and tried to stop his fall.  Unfortunately, she was too tired for her telekinesis to have any effect on something the size of a human.  In the dead silence that followed her yell, everyone heard a sickening splat.  

            As the X-men rushed over to where their leader had fallen, Pietro and Blob made a quick retreat, Blob carrying Lance and Pietro carrying Toad.  Mystique had been taken in the same orb as Magneto, for reasons known only to Magneto himself.

            Kurt, the most acrobatically inclined of the X-men, made a flying leap to the place where Scott lay.  He knew that he wouldn't have enough strength to 'port Scott to the jet if he 'ported down.  He landed softly and was disgusted by the amount of blood that was pooled around Scott.  Even worse, he could see that Scott wasn't breathing.  He grabbed the older teen's wrist and, to his horror, couldn't find a pulse.

            He immediately started CPR, thanking God that he'd paid attention during the first aid course that Hank had made them all sit through.

            ~Kurt!  What are you doing?  Get him up here!~  Jean's frantic voice filled the German's head.

            ~I can't.  Teleportation affects people badly.  I can't move him like this.  It might kill him.~

            ~Damn it Kurt!!!  If you don't get him up here now, he's going to die!  Move it!~

            ~But...~

            ~NOW, KURT!!!!!~  She yelled so loudly in his head that he had no choice but to obey.  Hoping that it might somehow protect Scott from the effects of the 'port, but knowing that it likely wouldn't, Kurt threw himself across Scott's body and teleported.

            As soon as Kurt had Scott in the plane, Ororo lifted off and Kurt went back to his CPR.  The rest of the X-men, aside from Bobby and Jubilee, did their best to hold Scott still as the plane sped off.

            Before the plane even landed at the mansion, Kurt threw himself across Scott again and, using every last bit of strength he had, 'ported Scott to the infirmary.

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Well, what do you think?  The next chapter is from Rogue's perspective.  Please R+R!


	2. Chapter One: The Beginning of the End

                This is the second chapter, which is from Rogue's perspective.

Kurt:  Tainz doesn't own us!

Taineyah:  Thanks Kurt.

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#~Rogue~#

                When we got into the hallway by the infirmary, Kurt was sittin', waitin' for us.  He was sittin' perfectly still, staring off into space.  He didn't seem ta notice when we sat down around him.  It was kinda scary, his golden eyes just kinda stared through the wall in front of him, unblinkin'.  He was mutterin' somethin' in German--Ah thought it was a prayer, but Ah wasn't sure.  Ah couldn't hear what he was sayin'.

                Bobby and Jubilee were hurtin', we all knew that, but they didn't even think about walkin' into that infirmary.  We all sat there, silent tears streamin' down our faces.  Jamie came and saw us and it wasn't long before all the newbies were sittin' with us, too.  The only sound Ah could hear was Kurt's mutterin', and his voice kept crackin'.  

                Ah was sittin' next to him, and Ah could feel that he was startin' ta lose it completely.  I didn't have ta be a telepath ta know that.  He was kinda tremblin' by now, so I wrapped my arms around him and rocked back and forth.  As we rocked, Ah was able to hear what he was saying properly.

                "Ich habe Scott getöten.  Scott wird sterben, und das wird sein mein Schuld."  He was repeatin' the same phrase over and over again.

                From absorbin' him in the past, Ah understood enough German ta know what he was talkin' about.  *I have killed Scott.  Scott will die and it will be all my fault.*

                "No.  He's not gonna die.  You helped him.  He's gonna be fine, because you helped him."  Ah whispered it in his ear repeatedly, until he finally turned ta look at me.

                "I saw him, Rogue.  I think that I got him here too late."  His accent was so heavy with his pain that it took me a minute ta decipher his words.

                Ah shook my head, but Ah didn't really believe what Ah was tellin' him.  There was just too much blood on Kurt's uniform.  It disgusted me, touching Scott's blood.  It was seeping right through mah uniform and onta mah skin.  The air reeked of it, but Ah wasn't about ta let go of Kurt.

                There are times when ya just hafta ignore your own feelings to help out a family member.  That was one of those times.  It didn't matter that the only way Kurt and Ah were related was through a woman that both of us hated.  All that mattered was that Kurt was mah brother.  Mah brother needed me, and Ah was gonna be there for him for as long as it took, even if it killed me.

                It seemed like hours before Hank came out of the infirmary, wringing his hands.  He looked exhausted and upset.  Ah don't think any of us needed ta hear the outcome of his efforts ta know what had happened, but he started talking anyway and we all listened in silence.

                "It isn't easy to say this....I know that all of you wanted good news...I wanted to have good news to tell you.  I...I did my best, but I couldn't save him.  There were just too many injuries for me to repair in time."  His eyes were filled with tears as he answered our unasked question as to where the professor was.

                "The Professor asked me to tell you while he calls Alex."

                Silence hung in the air for a moment.  It took us a second ta absorb what had happened and, when we did, everyone started wailin' and cryin', except Logan, who stalked off angrily.  The worst one of us was Jean.  Her sobs were quiet, but we could all hear her screamin' in her head.  She was projectin', lookin' for Scott frantically.  Ah don't think she could understand what was goin' on.  She was searchin' everyone's head, thinkin' that he had to be there, somewhere.

                Ah don't know if she consciously thought what we all heard from her next, or if it was her subconscious.  Ah hope she didn't actually think it.

                ~Why did it have to be Scott?  I love him!  Why couldn't it have been Kurt or Evan?~

                Kurt's eyes widened in pain and, an instant later, Ah was left holding a cloud of brimstone scented smoke instead of him.  Ah leapt up ta mah feet and started yellin'.

                "Don't you think Kurt's hurtin' enough without you doin' things like that?"  With a gloved hand, Ah slapped Jean across the face as hard as Ah could, turning her head.  She didn't really seem ta notice.

                Hank picked me up by the back of mah uniform and swung me around to look at him.  "Don't you ever do that again.  She's in pain.  She didn't mean it."  His glare was enough ta terrify me.

                He set me down, although none too gently, and turned to Jean.  As Ah stalked off down the hall, Ah saw him give her an injection of some kind.  He'd obviously expected her to have this kind of reaction, because an instant later her mental shrieking stopped and Ah had the feeling that he'd knocked her out.

                Ah headed up ta the dormitories, ta go talk ta Kurt, but when Ah got ta his room, Ah could hear things crashin' inside.  Ah looked down at mahself and decided ta have a shower while Ah waited for him ta calm down.  As much as Ah needed ta help him, Ah couldn't put mahself in danger.  If he hit me with somethin', he'd only get more upset.

                Ah didn't stay in the shower long and when Ah got out, he was still throwin' stuff.  Ah went back to mah room and just sat in silence until Ah heard the shower start up again.  The crashing had stopped, so I knew Kurt was in there.

                After what seemed like hours, because Ah was terrified he'd do somethin' stupid, the shower turned off.  Ah went to his room as fast as Ah could.  He doesn't take well ta failure, and we couldn't afford ta have him get hurt.  It was gonna be hard enough ta get over the loss of Scott without losing Kurt too.

                When Ah got there, his door was wide open and he was standing in the middle of his room with his back to the door, dripping wet and naked.  Ah stepped in and closed the door quietly.  As I approached him, Ah became aware of a soft buzzing and Ah saw an electric razor in his hand.  He was slowly shavin' his left shoulder.

                Ah took the razor out of his hand, knowing that if he did this, he'd feel even worse.  Then, Ah picked up a pair of his boxers from the heap of clothes on top of his dresser and handed them ta him.  Seein' mah own brother naked is not somethin' Ah enjoy, despite what some people might suspect with mah southern background and accent.

                He didn't look at me or say anything, he just put the boxers on, then held out his hand for the razor.  It was terrifying.  He was normally loud and happy.  Seeing him like that.... Ah was scared for his life.

                "Ah'm not givin' this back!" Ah said.

                "I need it.  I can't get the blood out of my fur."  His voice had no expression to it.  He sounded completely empty.

                Ah looked at him and, sure enough, there were purple patches mixed in where the red blood had stained his blue fur.  Ah wanted to give him the razor, ta let him get the blood off however he could, but Ah was sure that once he started, he wouldn't stop.  He wouldn't stop just with shavin' off his fur, Ah knew that.

                "Ya can't do this!  Scott wouldn't have wanted ya ta start tearing yourself apart."  Mah eyes filled up with tears as I looked around his room.  Framed photographs of our team had been torn off the walls and shattered.  Everything that normally sat on his desk was thrown ta random places.  The covers from his bed were torn and he'd broken his windows.  His bible was the only thing that didn't look as though he'd tried to destroy it.  It was lying on the floor, just under the edge of his desk, his rosary lying on top.

                "Give it to me," Kurt said, still holding out his hand for the razor.  "I vant it back."

                "No.  Ah won't give it back!"

                Ah don't want ta think about what he was thinking, if he truly wanted ta hurt me or what, but he leapt at me, ready ta tear me apart to get the razor back.  Ah threw it away, trying to keep him from hurtin' either one of us, but he kept poundin' on me, pullin' on my hair and screamin' in German.

                "Ich bin ein Ungeheuer!  Ich habe Scott getöten!  Ich habe mein Freund getöten!  Ich bin ein Möder!"  Tears were streamin' down his face as he tried ta tear both of us apart with his bare hands.  He wasn't just poundin' on me, he was beatin' himself into a pulp, too.

                Ah had ta stop him, so Ah grabbed one of his hands and put it on the side of mah face.  Ah didn't have time ta waste tryin' ta get my gloves off.  After a few seconds, he collapsed to the floor.  It hadn't taken much to put him out.  He'd hit mah face a couple of times as he hit me, and he was already exhausted.

                It took all mah strength ta get him inta his bed and get out the door without hurtin' somethin'.  His entire being had been filled with hatred when Ah absorbed him, and it was overwhelming.  Ah forced mahself ta go back ta mah room and lie down.  After awhile, I fell asleep, only ta be haunted by dreams of Kurt's horrible past and images of Scott's face as he lay on the roof, when Kurt had gone ta get him.

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                Thanks for reading, and here is a translation of what Kurt said just before Rogue absorbed him.

Ich bin ein Ungeheuer!  =  I am a monster!

Ich habe Scott getöten!  =  I killed Scott!

Ich habe mein Freund getöten!  =  I killed my friend!

Ich bin ein Möder!  =  I am a murderer!

                Sorry that the German was so crappy.  It's been almost six months since I took German, and I'm not taking it again for about a year, unfortunately.

                And if you're wondering how I can have Kurt react like this, here's my reasoning:  In the first Excalibur comic, he failed to complete a Danger Room Session and became fatalistic, basically deciding that he was going to die.  This was about two days after he woke up from a coma or something.  (I haven't read the part where he was injured.  I heard about that from a friend.)  In more recent comics, Kurt has shown a fear of being rejected that runs very deep.  Xavier put him in charge of a team, and Kurt left all of the hard and unpopular decisions to Warrren Worthington so he could remain everyone's best friend.  Add to that the fact that he bottles everything up, and you have a potentially self-destructive individual.

Anyway, please R+R!         


	3. Chapter Two: Big Brother

Hey guys, I'm back soner than I thought I would be!  I had a great vacation, but my creative juices are itching to ooze onto my keyboard!!

Disclaimer: Yeah, I finally came out of my trailer.  Woo hoo!  Taineyah doesn't own anything you recognise.

Kurt:  I'm staying on as a muse!!  I'm Amieva's new competition.

Tainz: Except that Amieva exists outside this twisted mass I call a brain!

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#~Kitty~#

            I didn't go to bed that night until about three in the morning.  I, like, didn't want to look at Rogue after how mean she'd been to Jean.  By the time I got there, Rogue was already long asleep.

            I lay awake for hours, trying to forget the day for long enough to get to sleep.  Every time I'd get close to drifting off, it'd hit me again.  Scott was dead.  I think that night was the first time I'd ever been up _late_ enough to see the sunrise.  Just as the sun peeked up over the trees, I finally fell asleep.

            I probably only slept for about an hour, but it was enough to make me never want to sleep again.  I had horrible nightmares of the Incident.  I kept watching Scott fall, like my brain was on instant replay.  Again and again, I heard Jean's screaming.  Over and over I saw Mr. McCoy come out of the infirmary.

            When I woke up, I didn't even bother trying to lay in bed for awhile and fall back to sleep.  I just jumped out of bed.  One of the first things I saw was Rogue's face.  She was still asleep, although she was tossing and turning, as she'd done all night.  Her face was, like, totally bruised.  I couldn't remember anyone having hit her like that the day before.  Her lip was split and both eyes were black.

            Normally, I would have woken her up and asked her about it, but I was still too mad at her for the way she'd treated Jean.  I headed downstairs to the kitchen.  I wasn't hungry, but I knew that everyone else would be there.

            To my surprise, only Evan and Jean were there.  I guess it shouldn't have been too surprising, I mean, Rogue was, like, sleeping and Scott was....  Scott wasn't going to be coming to the kitchen ever again.  Even so, I would have thought that some of the newbies would be there.  And Kurt.  Kurt was always the first one downstairs for breakfast.  

            Jean was looking kind of drugged as she stirred her cereal aimlessly.  Evan just looked down.  He had a glass of milk in his hand, but it didn't seem like he'd drank any in a really long time.  It was full, but all of the water droplets had dried up off the outside of the glass.  He was staring silently into space, but he looked up when I opened the fridge.

            "Hi."  Evan's voice sounded dead.

            "'Morning,"  I muttered, unsure what I was supposed to say.  "Have you seen Kurt yet?  He seemed really upset last...."  I broke off, not wanting to talk about it.

            "No."  Evan took a sip of his milk.

            Without taking anything out, I closed the fridge door.  "I'm going to, like, go find him.  He didn't eat last night and he... he 'ported a lot yesterday.  He might have... like... passed out or something."

            "Yeah."

            I couldn't stand to be in the kitchen with Jean's utter silence and Evan's... emotionlessness.  I took off back up the stairs.  Usually, I'd just walk into Kurt's room, but today I paused long enough to knock.  He didn't answer.  I tried the handle.  Locked.

            Worried about him, I stuck my head through the door and saw him sitting on the end of his bed, his image inducer already turned on for the day.  I stepped through the rest of the way and carefully picked my way through the debris on his floor.  There was everything from glass, to blood, to tufts of blue fur.  It looked like he'd gone on rampage in there.

            I sat down next to him.  He looked up and seemed astonished that I was anywhere near him.

            "Kurt, why don't you come down and get some breakfast?" I asked him gently.

            "Okay," he said sadly.

            I lead him to the door by his shirt sleeve, as he didn't seem motivated enough to get up on his own.  I was sure that part of it was hunger, so I took him straight down to the kitchen, where Jean and Evan hadn't moved an inch.  Ms. Munroe and Logan had joined them and Logan gave me some buttered toast for Kurt as we walked in.  I sat Kurt down and put the toast in front of him.

            "Danke, Kätzchen," he whispered.  He glanced fearfully at Jean, then picked up his toast and nibbled at the crust.  After about two bites, he set it down and pushed the plate away.  He kept looking up at Jean, then turning his face down towards the table again.

            Logan shoved the plate back at Kurt and commanded him to eat.  Mechanically, Kurt obeyed.  Now that I didn't have Kurt to use as a distraction, I had to stay in the kitchen and get some breakfast.  I hadn't eaten since lunch the day before and knew I needed breakfast, even though I didn't feel particularly hungry.

            I rummaged through the cupboards, looking for some cereal.  All of the boxes were empty, save one.  The one that Scott had written on with a magic marker.  It was the only box of Lucky Charms we had in the house, ever, and it was his, bought with his own money because the professor wouldn't buy us 'junk' cereal.  Kurt had eaten the Lucky Charms a few times, which had induced Scott to write, in big, black letters, "Scott's cereal.  Don't touch.  Yes, even you, furrball."

            A sob caught in my throat as I closed the cereal cupboard.  No one would ever eat that cereal now, and I couldn't bring myself to throw it out.  I glanced at Jean, hoping that she hadn't seen and I was hit with a wave of remorse.

            I remembered every time that Kurt and I had made fun of her and Scott for being together.  And all the times we'd made fun of them for not being together.  I felt like a total ass.  If only I could change the things I'd said.  

            I wished, with all my heart, that he could come back, just for a minute, so I could apologise.  Tears started to flow down my face and I turned away from Jean's spacey gaze, running through the wall and outside to the garden.  I didn't want to make her any more upset.  

            I sat under a bush for what seemed like hours, sobbing uncontrollably into my arms.  I wished...  I don't know what I wished.  That Scott was still alive, for sure.  But what else?  That Lance hadn't been on the team that killed Scott?  That Kurt wasn't so upset and he'd come and hold me?  That Rogue wasn't such an absolute bitch?  I wished for everything...and nothing.

            I felt so useless.  I didn't have anything to do to make things better.  There was nothing I could do.  For the first time in my existence, there was no one to turn to.  Normally, when I was this confused and upset, I would have gone to Scott for a "big brother" pep talk.  But...I'd never hear one of those pep talks again.

            The X-Van came up the driveway, with Bobby and the Professor in the front seats and, peeking between them, Alex.  They must have gone to the airport to pick him up that morning.  God... It had to be so hard on Alex.  He just found Scott.  Then he lost Scott.  It was only, what?  A year?  Two?  It was, like, so unfair!

            It started off my sobs all over again.  Why did any of this have to happen?  It would have been so much easier on everyone if it had been someone else.  Not Scott.  Not our fearless leader.  If it had been anyone else, Scott would be helping all of us, right now.  I mean, sure, sometimes I disagreed with him.  Or mouthed off.  Or didn't want to train, but he was the one that all of us looked up to, in our individual ways.

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Another quick thing:  (and it's a semi bad thing for you)  I have a weird condition of the tendons in my hands that makes them stiff and painful all the time.  Which is bad for an author and guitarist. The common name for it is "Trigger Finger."  Some time in the next six months or so, I'm going to have to have surgery to correct that.  I'll try to let you know right before that happens.  During the time it takes to heal (approx. 2-6 weeks) my updates will either be extremely slow or non-existent.  I just thought I'd give you a heads up!

On a lighter note:  I just bought my electric guitar!

Love always,

Tainz


	4. Chapter 3: Never Thought It'd End Like T...

                Here's a brand new chapter of this monstrosity.  I did my best to capture the skater in Evan, but I don't think I did a very good job.  I tried, that's what counts, right?

Disclaimer:  Tainz owns nothing.

Just to add a bit of humour to this, and not scare everyone off, here's a Neverquote, a piece of dialogue which will never be heard in the show.

Magneto:  Pietro, I am your father. (breathing heavily)

Pietro: Yeah-I-know.-Why-are-you-telling-me?-Wait-why-are-you-wheezing?

Magneto:  Since you know I'm your father, oh dearest son of mine, will you go pick up my asthma medication from the pharmacy?

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#~Evan~#

                That first morning was so weird.... I mean, come on!  One of us was...dead.  It was so hard to believe.... sometimes it still is.  I guess we all thought we were invincible.  We were the good guys, y'know?  And, even in the heat of battle, I guess that all of us believed that the good guys would always come out on top.  Then, we didn't.  Sure, we saved hundreds of people from being killed by a bunch of insane mutants, but they were nameless.  Those people were faceless.  The one person we couldn't save was the person we knew.  Scott.

                Scott had been through more training than any of us, been with the Professor longest and seen the most battle time.  In the end, none of that could save him.  I think the worst part of the whole thing was that nothing could have helped.  It coulda been any of us, and nothing woulda stopped it.  It coulda been me.  Jean even wished it had been me... or Kurt.

                That morning, the first after the incident, I couldn't eat breakfast.  I didn't even want my milk.  Kurt was silent and upset, Kitty had run off, Auntie O and Logan were sipping their coffee and Jean was.... there.  Whatever Mr. McCoy had given Jean the night before still hadn't worn off.  She didn't really seem to know where she was or what she was doing.  She just sat there.  I don't think she knew we were there.  She seemed....I dunno, locked inside her head.  

                Finally, we heard a car pull up in front of the school and the Professor spoke in our heads, telling us to go to the rec room.  Kurt bamfed off and the adults headed out quickly, leaving me and Jean alone.  I chugged back the rest of my moo-juice and headed out the door.  I glanced back over my shoulder and noticed that Jean still hadn't moved.

                "Jean, we have to go to the rec room," I said, but she just kept stirring her cereal.

                I couldn't leave her there.  Whether or not she could actually understand what was going on around her, she deserved to hear whatever the Professor was going to tell us.  I went back and grabbed her by the elbow.  She followed me silently as I led her to the rec room and sat her on the one empty place left on the couch, next to Rogue.

                I watched Rogue for a second, before I left Jean there.  Jean had a bruise on her cheek where Rogue had slapped her.  Rogue didn't move, and I noticed the faint outlines of bruises and swelling under her heavy makeup.

                Finally, I went and leaned against the doorframe, over by where Alex was sitting.  The Professor looked around at us sadly for a few seconds before he started speaking.

                "For the first time, we have lost one of our students, and you have lost your teammate.  In the days and weeks that come, all of us will feel this loss deeply.  Before I say anything else, please know that you can talk to any of the teachers at any time.  No matter how silly you may feel over your thoughts, feel free to tell us what's on your mind."  His tone was dark and tired.  I think he'd been up all night.

                "I brought you all together so that I could explain what's going to happen in the days that come.  This is a difficult time for everyone.  Tomorrow evening, there will be a visitation at the Bayville Funeral Home.  I would encourage all of you to go, although I will not force anyone.  The visitation will be open to the public, so some of your and Scott's friends may be there."

                Kitty, whose eyes were already red from crying, broke down in tears.  Amara and Jubilee hugged each other, tears falling silently.

                "At ten thirty in the morning on Wednesay, there is going to be a service held at the United Church.  Again, I would encourage you to attend.  Also, if anyone wishes to speak at the funeral, please come and talk to me.  At 1:30, Scott will be laid to rest at the Bayville Memorial Cemetary."  

                I could tell that Professor Xavier had rehearsed his speech carefully.  I think that the words coming out of his mouth were a lot harder for him to speak than for us to hear.  He'd known Scott longer than any of us....

                I looked around the room again, and everyone, including myself and excluding Logan, was in tears.  Rogue's makeup had washed away around her eyes, revealing some very extensive bruising.  Kurt's shoulders were shaking, but I couldn't see his tears under his hologram.  Even Jean seemed to be aware of what was going on, and had tears streaming down her face.

                Suddenly, it occurred to me that it was Monday.  We should've been at school.  Scott should have been heading for his science class, arm in arm with Jean.  I should've been complaining to Kurt about some piece of homework I hadn't gotten done, or the fact that it was a beautiful day for boarding, too nice to waste inside.

                In a matter of minutes, it got to be too much for me.  I couldn't stand being in that room, where I'd watched a movie with Scott on Sunday morning, a little more than 24 hours before. I couldn't stand seeing everyone sit around crying.  I couldn't stand... any of it.  It was all just too hard.

                I pushed myself off the doorframe and stalked out.  I stopped at the front hall closet long enough to grab my board and helmet, then I took off.  I got onto the road and started going as fast as I could.  I had to get away.  After awhile, I found myself at the amphitheatre where we'd found Mr. McCoy that one time when he'd gone kinda crazy.  I rode down the stairs and hung around there for a bit, but there was no one there, nothing to do.

                I boarded around town for about an hour, going here and there, always having my thoughts catch up with me.  I needed to go somewhere where all my thinking was done for me.  Somewhere that I had to pay attention to something other than the inside of my head.  I went to the mall, but it didn't help.

                Finally, to my surprise, I found myself standing outside of Bayville High.  So many memories clung to the place, but I felt drawn inside anyway.  I went to the office and signed in and wandered off to class.  It felt strange, knowing that none of the other X-Men were there, but it helped, too.

                I've never liked school much.  It's too hard to stay in one place that long, pay attention to one thing.  I almost laughed when I realised that I had actually chosen to go to school, but I felt a lot.... lighter?  It was like the gloom of the Institute had lifted from me.  Scott was still in my head.  I couldn't forget what had happened, even for a second, but it was easier to deal.  

                It had been on the announcements that morning, Scott's death.  Everyone was surprised to see me at school.  People kept coming up and apologising to me, saying that they knew how hard it must be.  They didn't, of course.  They'd never stood by and watched one of their best friends, someone who was practically a big brother, fall to his death.  Girls kept hugging me, even girls who were scared of mutants.  

                It was like Scott's death had let some people forget about "the mutant menace," for a little while at least.  It's horrible, I know, but in a way, it made me happy.  No, not happy so much as... satisfied.  For the first time, my mutation wasn't setting me apart.  I felt kind of guilty, thinking that way, but I couldn't help it.  It made sense, the whole making me feel better thing.  At least Scott's death had done something good...

                  There were, of course, a few morons who stalked past me in the hall, muttering something under their breath about how the "mutie freak" probably deserved it.  I wanted to hurt them.  My best friends were sitting at home, bawling, and there were a few idiots who tried to convince people that it was our fault, just because of our DNA?  It wasn't fair.

                One thing I noticed over the course of that day, though, was that none of the Brotherhood were there.  Cowards.  It was probably best, though, or I would have tried to kill them.  Especially Pietro.  I can't believe that I ever played on the same basketball team as that loser.  That murderer.  I wanted him to die.

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                So... what'd you think???  R+R?  Please?

Love,

Tainz


	5. Chapter 4: You killed Him

                This is by far the worst chapter of this story, but I needed to do it before I could do the visitation, because I wanted to explain certain things that are going to happen there.  I'm sorry it didn't get posted earlier, but I was kind of distracted after my great-grandmother died.

Disclaimer: Tainz owns.... Zero, Nada, Zip, Zilch.....

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~*Lance*~

                "Scott Summers died after yesterday's battle."  

                We all sat there in shock for a minute, then Pietro was gone.  He just left in a blur.  Remy looked at Magneto, half smiling.

                "Great joke, Homme.  No one here'd ever kill anyone.  These Brotherhood people are idiots."

                I resented that.  We weren't idiots.  We were misfits.  Broke, teenage misfits.  The only reason I agreed to get our group to work for Magneto was because we needed the money and a place to stay.  We were out of food again and we couldn't risk letting Todd get caught lifting another wallet.

                I hate Magneto and I don't like Mystique a whole lot more, but the fact of the matter is, we have to survive.  We can't all be as lucky as Pietro and be able to switch loyalties as quick as we wipe our asses.  I have to make hard decisions sometimes and I have to look out for the rest of the Brotherhood.  Todd and Freddy look up to me, so it's my job to protect them as best I can.  If that meant one more battle on Mystique's side, I figured it was worth it.

                I know that some people think of me as a hood, but who cares.  I do what I have to.  The only thing is...  I think it was my fault.

                I watched Todd look from Magneto to Remy and back again.  He said, "Yo...   He's not kidding."

                Todd's just a kid.  Sure, he's in high school.  He's not that much younger than me.  He still shouldn't have had to look the way he did when he said that.  His face was big and scared.  Everyone looked a little irked... except Sabertooth.  I'll bet he couldn't count the people he's killed, even if he took off his shoes.

                There was this silence from Magneto, then, "Of course I'm not kidding.  Scott Summers is dead."

                I couldn't believe it.  I'd made the decision that had gotten someone killed.  It didn't matter that Scott was a stick up the ass jerk.  He was a living person, then he wasn't.  If my team hadn't joined ranks with Magneto, Scott would probably have survived.  I stood up.

                "I want our money, then we're out of here.  I don't care what you say.  We're leaving."

                I'd already made a huge mistake.  I wasn't going to let it repeat itself.  What if it were Kitty that died next time?  I still have feelings for the girl.  Todd looked over at me.

                "Where are we gonna go?  The X-Men will kill us."

                I can't say that the thought hadn't crossed my mind.  The X-Geeks can be dangerous when you provoke them, but I wasn't going to hide away because of it.  

                "We'll go to the funeral and apologise.  We didn't do anything wrong."

                No, we hadn't, but I knew who had and I knew that he'd better lie low.  I knew that if Pietro ever showed his face near any of them again, they'd kill him.

                We got our money from Magneto.  One thing for the man, he doesn't lie.  He might cheat and steal, but he keeps his promises.  A little while later, we got home to our crumbling, dirty hell hole. 

                I'd hoped to be able to provide something better.  Magneto told us we could stay there as long as we wanted, but I didn't want any of us staying with him.  I can't believe I was stupid enough to join forces with him.

                It was late.  We'd spent the day at Magneto's, celebrating what he had told us was a victory.  I'd believed him.  I'd been out of commission and hadn't seen the last part of the fight, but I'd believed him when he'd told us it was a victory.  The celebration seemed wrong now.  All the food I'd eaten with the Acolytes was churning in my stomach.  I felt sick.  

                I decided to go to bed.  I needed time to think on things.  Like how we could show our respect at the funeral.  I decided to pick up a newspaper the next day so I could find out when the whole thing was happening.  I was in my room when I heard something strange and went to investigate.

                Todd was being sick in the toilet.  Shock or something, I'm sure.  I started to go see if he was okay when Wanda stalked past me into the bathroom.  I watched her sit next to him and put her arms around him.  It was weird.

                I guess Wanda must have those maternal instinct things girls are always talking about, because she held the smelly little bugger while he puked.  She grabbed the cleanest washcloth she could find and washed his face with it.  I stood in the doorway and watched.  She kept telling him that she'd kill Pietro for this.  I believed it, too.

                Things like this bring out stuff in people, I guess.  She was sitting acting like a mom to someone she'd always seemed to hate.  Freddy was actually crying.  I could hear it.

                I thought for a while about calling the Institute.  I'd almost decided not to when I made up my mind and did it.  After a couple of rings, Rogue picked up.

                "If this is another stupid crank, ya can hang up right now!"

                "Rogue, it's me."

                She was silent.  I thought she'd hung up on me or something. 

                "Are you there?"

                "What d'ya want?"  She sounded angry.

                "It wasn't my fault.  I was trying to...  I just wanted you to know I didn't kill him."

                She sighed.  "Ah know.  Pietro...  Tell him if Ah ever see 'im again, Ah'm gonna kill 'im."  She flung down the receiver with a crash.

                I guess I shouldn't have been surprised.  I shouldn't have even expected her to listen for me that long.  Still...  A part of me had expected that I'd have to protest my innocence for ages to get her to believe me.  At least it would have taken up some time.  I went back to my room.  

                The walls in the boarding house were pretty thin, with the number of times we'd slammed things, like Todd, against them.  I could hear Wanda talking to Todd, trying to calm him down.  From the crashes, he was hopping around his room, like he always does when he's upset.

                Scott's death was a huge shock to all of us.  We'd never thought that someone would die from all this.  It hadn't crossed our minds.  All the battles and everything were a way for us to survive, but in the end, they killed someone.

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                Again, I apologise for the crappiness of this chapter.  I really didn't want you all to think that the reason the Brotherhood wasn't at school was their cowardice.  That was Evan's take on things.  If you thought that they were avoiding the X-Men, it wouldn't make sense for them to show up at the visitation, would it?

Anyroad, please Review.  I promise things will be better next chapter.


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